The dog was sick. I mean, really sick. Possible brain problem, pancreatitis, allergic to the world, having a steroid cold turkey from the lack of his previous allergy medicine. My mom couldn't deal. She cried every night, until it really happened. We walked into the vet's office, the dog, hobbling along beside us moaning with every step he took. He wasn't even that old. Eight years is the adult lifespan of a great dane with bad genes. Our little old man was dying, slowly and painfully.
We went into the private room where there was a couch, a dog bed and a box of tissues. The dog's leash was unclipped, and he climbed, laboriously, onto the bed where he turned the usual three circles and lay down, stretched out like superman on his side. he moaned again, it obviously hurt him to lie down. His pancreatic tumor was so big it could be felt if you touched his side.
He was cold when I touched him last. I'm going to skip the part about my thoughts as we watched him go to sleep, you don't want to know how it feels to watch anything die, especially something you love. There is still a hole in my heart where he was, and the edges are just starting to grow in to fill it. I don't know if the hole will ever fully heal, but I hope that the puppy we will get will help.
I gotta admit, grief sucks, but it makes you feel alive, like a human, it shows you how much love can hurt. I remember when I was in fifth grade and my great grandfather died, as well as one of my grandpas within a month of each other. I thought I would not ever face that kind of pain again, but I was wrong. The dog was worse. The dog lives with you all the time. Even when you are mad at him, you can't stay mad, he looks so guilty when you say he is bad. He is the one that greets you every day when you get home from school, from camp, and he is happy every time. When he is gone, every time you walk through the front door, you expect happy barking and doggy kisses, but you don't get it. It feels like someone has punched you in the chest. Some people think that it's stupid to feel grief when a dog dies, but it is worse than when anyone else dies, because dogs are always there, right?
Wow. That was really well written, and its nice that someone has decided to right about something deep.
ReplyDeleteI agree. It's nice to read lighthearted and happy stuff, but every now and then you need to read something insightful. I liked how descriptive you were in this Slice Of Life. I can see your logic behind grieving for a pet who lives with you 24/7 more than someone who lives miles away and you only see sometimes.
DeleteThat sounds like it was a painful situation to be in but I'm happy for you that you found a way to use it to make you stronger.
ReplyDeleteWe had to put my dog to sleep when I was 10- Your story is really easy to relate to when I think about when my parents and I had to do it to our dog. "It feels like someone has punched you in the chest"- That is my favorite part in this whole piece.
ReplyDeleteI agree that when a dog dies it is the worst of anything. I can't imagine what it would be like to not have the happy barking that greets me every day. I hope that the puppy is a decent replacement
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this very personal story with us. Your pain is palpable through language you use. This line: "Our little old man was dying, slowly and painfully" effected me for those I have lost have been human old men.
ReplyDeleteThat was really well written. I really enjoyed the part where you mentioned that grief makes us alive like a human. I could really connect to your story because my grandpa died this past summer. It also wasn't a great situation because I was at summer camp.
ReplyDeletei felt the same way you did when we had to put my dog down
ReplyDeletei am biting back tears, this was very well written, i guess thats why it's so emotional. I like the part when you talked about how he lay down and stretched out like superman because it made him seem strong dispite the fact that he was dying. I have never put down a pet, down we got our first dog in june and it's hard to think of life without her.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful and emotional. I usually try to avoid serious, personal topics like this one but I'm glad you went for it because it worked well.
ReplyDeleteWow. Nice. I really connected with it too, I mean I think a lot of people including me have had to put a pet down so it was really connectable. And it's nice that someone actually has something sad and important to say.
ReplyDeleteOne nice part about writing is that you can capture a moment for yourself that will stay there. I hope later that you'll like that you wrote this about your sweet dog, and the love that you had for him.
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